Monday, October 3, 2011

Future Planning Panic

Ok...still adjusting my attitude, but freaking out a little bit.

My Re's office suggested that I schedule my OB apt - you know the one that I've never made it to...the you're actually, probably going to have a live baby one...(they suggest this to everyone after two good Betas)

So I did call, which was good because my OB books up early as I remember and come to find out she only works two days a week now and is even harder to book...

Two things. I love her, and she handled my ectopic and miscarriages with so much compassion and care that I have some deep feelings of respect and a little love, as odd as that sounds, for her. BUT...I am afraid to go back there...to go back to her...I mean as far as pregnancy goes she's only given me bad news....and that sort of erases the 10+ years of great Gyne care I got from her..I know it wasn't her fault but I picture myself getting US in her office and my whole body feels how bad it felt to get the bad news. All over again.

I think I need to find another OB but then again am I over reacting? I also really want her level of care. I need someone who knows and understands what I've been through and she does.

Look at me future planning....that's Anxiety attack #2. Spoke to OB's office and scheduled a 10 week apt. Which should be fine as I would graduate at about 8 from RE (who I also love). Lovely nurse who called me back from OB suggested I attend the OB orientation class....on what to expect at my apts and what to do now to ensure a healthy pregnancy etc...and while I know a lot more than most newly pregnants, it sounded lovely...and I was excited for a moment...so I booked it....the evening of my US on 10/12....hence my anxiety....what was I thinking?

I go back and forth between "Who do I think I am future planning." to "We promised ourselves we were going to go forward as if everything is going to work out and not burden this time with negativity"

I am trying...I am really trying to do what I need to do but I have to admit...it is scary no matter how many attitude adjustments I make. It's just plain scary.

Just a note - somehow t.a.r.g.e.t knows I am pregnant....I got a big book of baby coupons from them....what on earth?

4 comments:

b said...

i understand your hesitation with your OB...but if you change OBs, then you don't give this one a chance to give you some good news. i'd stick with the one that knows your history and is caring...i think that's really important. but i know what you mean -- i wore the same "lucky" necklace to every OB & ultrasound appt.

Mrs. Misfits said...

Big, deep breaths beginning now. I think the plan to stick with your OB is solid. It's hard to find someone you can trust and it sound like you got great care there. Surround yourself with some calm and kill that camera that tarjaay has installed somewhere in chicken casa. That is an odd thing, indeed.

bunny said...

Uggh, I can imagine not being able to imagine getting good news in that place. But target knows it's gonna work out! Seriously though, I suppose you could always have your first scan with someone new, then come back to her WHEN, I say WHEN, things are feeling a little more secure... I'm glad you booked that appointment. You're doing what you're supposed to be doing and fighting against the fear. Enjoy today and breathe deeply.

AmyG said...

I want to stick my head out the window and release a tension-clearing primal scream on your behalf. It sounds like you're being as positive and optimistic as you can. I hope you don't fret about the doubting. If this is the viable pregnancy it seems to be, you'll have PLENTY of time for unalloyed joy. A couple weeks of worry won't ruin anything.