Saturday, October 29, 2011

finally news and it's not good

I spent most of this morning on the phone and ended up being told that I would not be able to get any results until Monday because the US order for Friday was not done as a rush order. I talked to radiology, my Dr's office, the nurse line etc.

Then I got an email from my Dr also saying that we wouldn't be getting results until Monday and that she was sorry. I resigned myself to this fact.

Then I got an email from my Dr saying that she did get the results and that during the US "they did not see a fetal pole with a heartbeat this time." She offered to have me come in on Monday for her to do an US so that I could speak with her and to definitively confirm it. She only has one apt time for me to do this which falls during an important mtg I have at work on Monday. I know work should take a lower priority but I can't lose my job..so now I have to tell my boss what's going on. I don't want to discuss it.

She gave me this info in an email. I don't care what you've got going on...that's shitty. Why would she do that? She told me to continue the crinone until Monday....I don't want to prolong things. What would you do?

I am completely devastated and angry and bitter. How long is it going to take me to get back on track with my life, how is this going to affect my relationship, why did this happen to me again?

This feels like the worst day of my life and I want to pretend it's not happening.

13 comments:

JJ said...

Oh Jennifer...I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. The whole deal is crummy -- I wish your doctor would have offered to come in today or tomorrow to do a confirmation ultrasound with you instead of making you wait the entire weekend still in limbo. Please know I am thinking of you and praying for you and your husband!

Augusta said...

Oh no. I am so sorry, Jennifer. This is just SO UNFAIR!
Doctors are certainly just mortals, and it sounds like yours just missed a chance to practice with more compassion. I'm really sorry that you are left in this crazy limbo over the weekend. I think, though, that this certainly warrants missing work on Monday to got and have this u/s with her. I am hoping there is an understanding bone in your bosse's body somewhere. People surprise you sometimes.
I'm really sorry the news isn't good. I am sending you my warmest hugs.

Mrs. Misfits said...

I am gutted for you. This is not the best way to deliver this news and having the weekend to fret over options is difficult. I have been able to skirt telling bosses by claiming vague emergencies. I think I have had a ruptured cyst and vague girly problems for five uteruses.

I have been both in the deal with this immediately camp and the deal in three weeks camp. I was inconsolable and stubborn mentally, which is a bad combo. Take care of this right away and let work ride. Call in a family emergency putting you out until Tuesday at least and make apologies as you need. They like you and won't chuck you out for the one time you aren't there to keep things rolling.

I'm so sorry for such shitty news. There needs to be a new word for both "done" and "unfair." This is overwhelmingly rotten and my thoughts are with you.

Lesley said...

Hi, I am here from Misfits' blog, and wanted to tell you how utterly sorry I am. The fact that you can't confirm your loss until Monday is horrible, and I am really hating your clueless and heartless doctor right now.

not undecided said...

I am so sorry. I hate that this is what you've been told, and that you were told via email, and that you have to wait until Monday to get another ultrasound. You do not have to tell your boss - I am with Misfit, say family emergency or flu or pinkeye or...anything.

As for the crinone...I'm sorry, I wish I had a stronger opinion for you. When I began to bleed with my last loss (just a couple hours after seeing a slow, discouraging heartbeat) I was instructed to keep up the heparin and progesterone. I did one last dose of each that night, but the way I woke up in the morning made it clear there was no point in continuing (though I ended up with a D&C a week later anyway). If you can stand it, I would continue it. If you can't stand it, it's completely understandable.

I am so sorry.

b said...

i'm pissed off for you as well -- there's just no excuse for the run-around you've been given...or for the emailed information. i'm really sorry that things have turned out the way they have. there's no words, but please know that i'm thinking of you and your husband.

Andie said...

I am so very sorry, it is so unfair. I am thinking of you and sending you a big hug.

I don't have any advice about continuing the progesterone but as for Monday...I would call in sick to work and go to the appt with your doctor.

amylynn said...

Jennifer- I'm here from Misfits blog, and I just want to tell you how sorry I am. I have been in your shoes many times and the hell you are in is so unfair. An e-mail is unacceptable to deliver that news. I would mention it to your doctor. I also agree with Misfit take care of this now, and deal with work later.

cgd said...

I am so very sorry for so many things. That this miracle was taken away, that your doctor has managed your case this way, that things like work get in the way like this. I am wondering if there is another dr in the practice who could maybe see you, perhaps one who can work with your schedule and even actually talk to you about this.
You are in my thoughts. Sending you lots of love and healing.

bunny said...

Oh Jennifer. I've been searching and searching for words, but there just aren't any. This is the cruelest thing, and the way your doctor handled it was so totally heartless and dehumanizing. There's some good advice above, but I just want you to know how deeply saddened I am for you both. I don't understand why shit like this happens to wonderful people. I don't understand why your little miracle took this turn. It's just beyond comprehension. I am thinking of you, wishing with all my heart that things were different.

Roccie said...

I am so very sorry. I know that timeframe waiting to follow up on news that is probably bad is a special hell. It very likely was the worst day of your life yesterday and I am so very sorry.

Your doctor is a fuck face.

Jem said...

Oh, sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I do hope you take Monday off and take care of yourself. Work will always be there - I'm sure they value you and your contribution and you won't lose your job.

AmyG said...

I am so, so sorry. Both for what appears to be a wrenching loss and this craptacular clinic that did this on top of the whole "oh no, we didn't measure the FHR" bullshit.

Sending my love.