Hormonal Roulette

I am on a roller coaster of hormones.  I am up, then I am down.  I am exhausted, physically wrung out.  I don't remember this...but maybe having the last bits of this pregnancy ripped out of me is different than the slow decline from the last two times.  I could not get out of bed this am.  I am achy and tired and cranky. 

I hope this passes soon.  I'm tempted to use a small amount of the progesterone cream to ease me over the hump..but then I can't figure out if that will even help or make things worse and totally confuse the heck out of my body.

I forgot to tell this part of my apt.  I was so traumatized by the actual procedure.  During the US my Dr. asked us if we had thought about what we might do next.  I was confused..oh maybe we'll go grab some dinner...depending on how I feel.  No.  She meant what we might do next about having children.  I was kind of surprised that she would ask that.  Although she is the one who told me at the last apt. that she had a patient who had many miscarriages and two children.  So maybe she thinks there's some small level of hope.

I think I am done.  I mean maybe if I were 40 or younger I could contemplate this again.  I think if I weren't still recovering maybe I could contemplate it.  But really I feel more done than ever before.  I feel at this point that it's really not a good idea for me to pursue this again.  I think if we did pursue it, the only way I could feel good about it would be to use a surrogate and PGD or donor egg.  I did look into that the other day.  It comes with about a 50K price tag.  That's likely the minimum.  I hate to put a price on it but for me that's just too much and I am physically worn out. I don't know that I could go through multiple IVF cycles to get enough embryos for PGD. 

I think at this point actually foster to adopt is the way we will look.  I actually feel a little excited thinking about it which is new and quite different from how I felt in the past.  I don't know that I've given up on being a parent but I am fairly certain that I've given up on giving birth to my own biological child.