Monday, July 15, 2013

Bargaining...

I think I remember that being one of the stages of grief.  Bargaining...and I am doing it today.  I am crying and telling myself maybe we should try again as soon as I start my next cycle.  I'm already grief stricken, why not just piggy back onto this one with the next one? 

I can't believe my mind is not done with this.  I mean what on earth am I thinking.  What on earth would give me the inclination that the next time would be any different than the prior? Except I still want it to happen.

Just grief stricken.  I guess I won't be bouncing back the way I had hoped.  I think that was a fools wish.

4 comments:

Augusta said...

Give yourself a bit of time, Jennifer. This JUST happened and it is so devastating. You don't have to make a decision about trying again right now while you are so grief stricken. You can make a decision about that later. Right now, just take good care of yourself in your sorrow.
Sending my warmest thoughts.

Jen said...

I agree with Augusta, you really need to give yourself time to grieve. I won't make any decisions with your heart so broken. I went back and forth after our last/final miscarriage, but I was more scared than anything immediately afterwards. Sending you peaceful thoughts and big hugs during this very emotional time. Take care.

hardtobehuman said...

What they said ^. I'm so sorry, this sucks so, so badly. I remember having nearly immediate thoughts about 'next time' after each of my losses, which did end up being my true/gut reaction, though that means next to nothing given that I did finally end up being lucky once. Even if you make a decision now, you can always change it as you start and continue to heal from this extra devastating loss. For me, I think trying to be forward-thinking was more about not wanting to think about how I was feeling in the present than what I really wanted to do in the future. Be gentle to yourself - sending you love.

Mrs. Misfits said...

There is always the hope of next time, which is harder to give up than anyone outside of RM can understand. It must mean something that this happened and my wish is for this to lead to the family you deserve.

Trust yourself here. Only you know what you can do. My thoughts are with you wherever this leads.