Saturday, July 13, 2013

Coming up for air.

It's been a tough couple of days.  Our ultrasound apt on Friday went as expected.  There was no miracle baby that had caught up to dates with a heartbeat. (I still really believed this might happen and cried all over again)  Doing the ultrasound though was calming as well as upsetting.  It really gave me the closure I needed and I would urge anyone to ask for as many reassurances as they need to feel closure.  I actually had a small bit of spotting that I would have missed if I hadn't been looking and some pretty strong but not too painful cramps and back ache on the way to the apt.  Here's what we've gone through since - and it's all about the miscarriage so skip it if it will be upsetting or bothersome to you.


The Dr confirmed that the gestational sac was breaking down.  The yolk sac was large almost as big as the gestational sac which apparently is a bad sign and there were bits in the sac of which she wasn't sure if either were the fetal pole.  What she measured was measuring 6w1d so a day behind the previous week and the whole thing was down at my cervix and so had moved down in that week which explained the cramping she said.  No heartbeat anywhere to be found.

She brought a Nurse Practitioner to the US which bothered me because I was thinking she wanted a second opinion present since I had questioned my own ability to accept things and had asked for another ultrasound and I was worried that she thought I was questioning her.  This is what I assumed but DH said No not true, that when she walked in she said this is so and so NP who is training.  I didn't hear that probably because I was beside myself.

So we decided to go with the Misoprostol and she prescribed 8 pills 4 to be used vaginally and then in 24 hours if no bleeding the other 4.  We did a pharmacy run and I stocked up on junk food, magazines and pads. DH actually got the prescription because based on last time I didn't want to start sobbing while I was there.  I ate a healthy lunch because I wasn't sure how my stomach would respond to the Vicodin.  I am allergic to Ibuprofen and so can't take that so my option was Vicodin which sometimes can upset my stomach.  Remembering how badly the pain hit me last time I made sure to take two Vicodin ahead of time and waited a half hour.  Then I inserted the 4 Misoprostol.  I was actually already bleeding and cramping since I'd gotten home and it was getting worse.  Apparently my body was already doing what it needed to do.  In about 15 minutes I was in tears from the pain and pissed that the Vicodin was doing nothing.  It actually took another hour for that to kick in and I think that maybe there was too much food in my stomach?  Not sure.  So I passed what I think was the sac and a good chunk of what looked like placenta in that half hour.  Then just bleeding with occasional bouts of cramping.  Very little clots or tissue for the rest of the night and today very little bleeding.  At about 3am I was wide awake so I was reading in bed when it really hit me with terrible cramps, crying again and freezing chills.  DH had to get up and help me get more Vicodin, turn the heating pad back on, get me another blanket and rub my back.  I was literally in too much pain to even move.  All I passed was more blood...not anything that would justify that much pain.  This morning I got up feeling o.k. very hungry and so had some cereal and a little coffee.  About 3 hours later I was so ill I could barely move and ended up vomiting.  It was awful.  Not sure what that was since both the Vicodin and Misoprostol should have been out of my system by then.  I spent the next few hours feeling awful, dizzy, tired, headachy and sick to my stomach.

So my dilemma today was did I really pass it all.  I did a lot of googling and decided to do the second dose of Misoprostol this afternoon and nothing.  No cramps, no more bleeding.  I'm a little concerned that I have not passed everything and won't.  My next apt is on Friday for the follow up and I am really crossing my fingers that I didn't go through all of this only to have the D&C anyway. 

Side note - My Dr. was adamant that she would not have done the D&C in office.  She said it is way too painful to be done with a local and that the nurse who scheduled it was confused.  My Dr has had multiple miscarriages herself so not only is she a brilliant doc but she's also very compassionate and understands exactly what kind of pain comes with a miscarriage.  She's the same Dr who did not make me wait for three miscarriages for testing.  She had all of the testing ordered for us after miscarriage #2 and paid for by insurance.  She's truly a great lady.  Anyway there you go.  I actually feel a little better now surprising since I just dosed myself with 800mg Misorprostol but there it is.


Augusta said...

It breaks my heart that you have to go through this again. I too was secretly hoping there would be a heartbeat at this ultrasound. I'm very sad that this little life is lost, and that you are the one experiencing this loss acutely.
The misoprostol is not fun. Hello cramps from hell. Sure glad you had Vicodin. Also, I'm thankful that your doc is so compassionate.
Take care of yourself, beautiful.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Augusta. I'm so sorry. Thank you for keeping us posted on the outcome. There is nothing anyone can say to make this better, but please know that we are all in this with you.