Thursday, October 7, 2010

Same Old Same Old

Not much has changed. The eating struggle continues. I am trying to not beat myself up about it, but I have to admit to moments of despair. I know it's not what's best for my health.

Work is not helping. I had some really long days Monday and Tuesday and a long day yesterday. Today I was able to work from home, which had it's good and bad....at lunchtime I made a pan of brownies. I didn't eat them all, not even half and this is how I am measuring my success :) now. I do feel sick though. Hmpf.

I am temping every morning, and doing OPK. I started early because who knows really when I ovulate any more. So far they have been negative.

I switched to decaf, and cut out wine (had a couple of glasses last night) but am teetotaling for the rest of the cycle.

I am taking my vitamin and am going to get back on the walking wagon...I fell off this week, but really where would I have fit it in?

I'm also exhausted and short tempered...I know (from extensive therapy) that I am depressed. Not severely so, but it's there. I just hope I can hold it all together. I am trying to keep my schedule clear on the weekends, to give me time to just relax and putter around the house and get my bearings and I have this good friend who just can't sit still. She always wants to be doing and going and exploring. She is driving me crazy. :) I just want to be left alone. I don't want to talk, I don't want to go to concerts etc. I just want to be. Anyone else feel that way. It's almost like focusing on work, home and IF is all I can do...that aspect sucks.

My trip overseas got pushed back to December. So hopefully I will have figured out what I am doing by then and I go for injectable training next week...finally! but I am hoping I never have to use the training.

6 comments:

Chels said...

I think that eating less than half a pan of brownies, is quite the feat! I struggle with that myself. The short temper too.

cgd said...

I feel the same as you, I am barely holding it together with what is on my plate right now, anything more and I might just lose it. Remember you are doing the best that you can. Hang in there....

bunny said...

I'm sorry you're struggling, though...of course you are! How could you not be! At least you recognize that you're depressed, even though that doesn't necessarily help much...

I have virtually no social life, and am confused by people who have the energy to always be on the move. Sounds exhausting! I hope she gives you some space!

AmyG said...

I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult period. I can only imagine the scars that a childhood characterized by such neglect would leave. Try to give yourself ample credit for the self-awareness and coping skills you've built. I'll be thinking of you.

Augusta said...

Thanks for posting. I was wondering how you were doing and am glad to read an update. I'm sorry it feels like such a struggle. I am glad to read though that you are trying to take care of yourself by just being. It sounds like staying home and regrouping is what you are craving most.

Melanie said...

I'm a classic introvert, so I totally get where you are coming from. I need to have no scheduled social activities on the calendar in times of overwhelm. It just takes too much out of me.

I hope that this week was a better week for you and that the weekend will be appropriately restorative.