Thursday, September 2, 2010

A good sign or a really annoying side effect?

So this is a warning *This post contains TMI* so skip down to the last two paragraphs unless you want to see the gory details.

It's cycle day three of my first cycle after my surgery and I have never bled like this during a period. I am talking full on flow. I've never had this. Never. (I've had this type of bleeding after the surgery and after my miscarriages but not period related) Which in some ways is know maybe there was something to this septum and not enough blood flow thing...

On the other hand...IT's not all that fun to be flowing this heavy. I'm not used to it. I am 30 years in to this menstrual cycle thing and I thought I knew what was what. I ran to the ladies room today sure I had either wet myself or bled through what I was wearing...I finally get what the SUPER tampons are for!

So my thought is, this is a good sign. That I could possibly if I could get pregnant actually nourish it. At least that's my hopeful thought. My unhopeful thoughts are more along the lines of "I am hemorhaging internally and not fully healed" Even so, I feel like this much blood could nourish a pregnancy perhaps even three.

So that's where we stand. I go in next Wed for a Sonohysterogram to see what's what. Then we "try". (I actually had a conversation with DH about if he would be ready to try when it is time to try and would it be too much stress and should I tell him we are trying or what if he said he was tired but that was the day and should I then tell him....can't believe the conversations we've had through this.)

When I called to schedule the apt for next Wed the nurse asked if this was for IVF and I felt myself get a little irritated. I guess even now I haven't given up on the fantasy that I won't have to do IVF although I am sure that when faced with no other options I will cling to IVF like a woman drowning. I also think I got bumped to a bad apt because I said no. Usually the office is more than accomodating and I had to reschedule a work mtg so I could get the only apt available to me this month. The nurse asked me if I wanted to wait out this cycle and get the test done next cycle. IS SHE MAD? I think I said NO very emphatically.

Here's an unrelated question, Do you think fertile women complain more about their children than infertile women who finally get their children? In my life the fertiles all just tell me how hard it all is and I am just so depressed for them, seriously do they know how lucky they are..and I'm not talking a friend telling me she's tired or saying it's hard...I am talking about the martyrs to motherhood that every conversation is about the sacrifices they are making...I have one at work (a fertile) who since coming back from maternity works about four hours a day, online shops and plans daycare and vacations for about two more and then leaves the office while the rest of us slog away for a 10 hour day. She always gives the impression that her life is terribly hard and she is a martyr.

So I finally plan to take a day off tomorrow to run errands get some things done take some me time and this one has the nerve (after she came into the office at 12 and was leaving at five) to say that she "wished" she could take a day off to take care of errands but she was SOOOOOO busy with her child and with work she has no time for herself anymore...said with a pained sigh. This as I was still working at 9.5 hours put in already. Give me a fucking break lady. I was so shocked I stood with mouth hanging open and said not a word...I have lots of words now of course a bit too late. ;)


Augusta said...

I hope the heavy period means all good things. I'm inclined to see it as you do, a good lining for the little embie.
I have to go in for a sonohysterogram on Sept. 17. When is yours?

That co-worker sounds like a high maintenance lady. Glad you won't have to tolerate her martyr comments today :-) Enjoy your day off. I hope you treat yourself to something fun.

bunny said...

Oooo, jumping to the last part, I read this one paper that says " Mothers with children conceived by IVF express a higher quality of parent±child relationship than mothers with a naturally conceived child." ( Okay, that doesn't necessarily apply to all cases of IF/ recurrent loss, and just 'cause they "express" that doesn't mean it's true, but I've always hoped that IF could really make you a better, less complainy parent!

I had a real gusher or two after my surgery. I'm not sure why, but maybe it's because when you go under anesthesia your pituitary resets your system, and maybe your estrogen levels were higher than normal? I say it's a good thing!

Jennifer said...

Augusta I go for mine next Wed. Looking forward to it and not at the same time :)

egghunt said...

I want to believe that your heavy bleed is a good thing. I mean it depends who you ask and what you want to believe but heres the way I see it (which may be completely skewed but anyway...). You want a fresh lining to support a pregnancy, so if you're bleeding heavier than normal then surely that means you're lining is coming away nicely. How i understand it, sometimes old lining can be left behind and thats not such a good thing. My acupuncturist is always telling me that its important to have a good period (steady bleeding for a number of days and then stopping quite suddenly is apparantly perfect). So i'm sorry its painful and threatening to stain your clothing, but maybe its a good thing too. I hope so. It would be nice to think that stupid AF is good for something wouldnt it?
As for the IF vs Fertile love for children argument. I can only speculate but surely if you've longed for something and known what it's like to loose that something then you'd be more grateful for it when it comes along for good. If it's handed to you on a plate without you knowing any different then you're more likely to be ungrateful. So yeah, we will all ROCK as mothers when we finally make it there. xxx

AmyG said...

Go, Bunny!

I'd hypothesize that people who become parents when they're older (after IF or not) are less complainy then those who become parents when they're younger. I'm sure if I became a mom in my 20s or early 30s, I'd feel a lot more put-upon than I expect I'll feel in my late 30s. I guess I'll see if/when I get there. Your coworker, though, just sounds like a congenital whiner anyway.

Melanie said...

Oh yeah - super absorbency. I use those for 1 or 2 days every cycle. So no worries.

I used to feel the same was as you about the blood flow thing. Before all this IF mess, I actually liked the regularity and volume (not too much, not too little) of my flow because it somehow represented a good healthy, functioning body - like a good (and THIS is TMI, but you started it:)) BM. Unfortunately, I don't harbor too many positive feelings about my body these days. It's failed me inexplicably and in the most fundamental of functions. I am mortal, it seems.

Of man, martyr's are the worst. Victims and Martyrs. Steer clear of them all!