So this is a warning *This post contains TMI* so skip down to the last two paragraphs unless you want to see the gory details.
It's cycle day three of my first cycle after my surgery and I have never bled like this during a period. I am talking full on flow. I've never had this. Never. (I've had this type of bleeding after the surgery and after my miscarriages but not period related) Which in some ways is comforting..you know maybe there was something to this septum and not enough blood flow thing...
On the other hand...IT's not all that fun to be flowing this heavy. I'm not used to it. I am 30 years in to this menstrual cycle thing and I thought I knew what was what. I ran to the ladies room today sure I had either wet myself or bled through what I was wearing...I finally get what the SUPER tampons are for!
So my thought is, this is a good sign. That I could possibly if I could get pregnant actually nourish it. At least that's my hopeful thought. My unhopeful thoughts are more along the lines of "I am hemorhaging internally and not fully healed" Even so, I feel like this much blood could nourish a pregnancy perhaps even three.
So that's where we stand. I go in next Wed for a Sonohysterogram to see what's what. Then we "try". (I actually had a conversation with DH about if he would be ready to try when it is time to try and would it be too much stress and should I tell him we are trying or what if he said he was tired but that was the day and should I then tell him....can't believe the conversations we've had through this.)
When I called to schedule the apt for next Wed the nurse asked if this was for IVF and I felt myself get a little irritated. I guess even now I haven't given up on the fantasy that I won't have to do IVF although I am sure that when faced with no other options I will cling to IVF like a woman drowning. I also think I got bumped to a bad apt because I said no. Usually the office is more than accomodating and I had to reschedule a work mtg so I could get the only apt available to me this month. The nurse asked me if I wanted to wait out this cycle and get the test done next cycle. IS SHE MAD? I think I said NO very emphatically.
Here's an unrelated question, Do you think fertile women complain more about their children than infertile women who finally get their children? In my life the fertiles all just tell me how hard it all is and I am just so depressed for them, seriously do they know how lucky they are..and I'm not talking a friend telling me she's tired or saying it's hard...I am talking about the martyrs to motherhood that every conversation is about the sacrifices they are making...I have one at work (a fertile) who since coming back from maternity works about four hours a day, online shops and plans daycare and vacations for about two more and then leaves the office while the rest of us slog away for a 10 hour day. She always gives the impression that her life is terribly hard and she is a martyr.
So I finally plan to take a day off tomorrow to run errands get some things done take some me time and this one has the nerve (after she came into the office at 12 and was leaving at five) to say that she "wished" she could take a day off to take care of errands but she was SOOOOOO busy with her child and with work she has no time for herself anymore...said with a pained sigh. This as I was still working at 9.5 hours put in already. Give me a fucking break lady. I was so shocked I stood with mouth hanging open and said not a word...I have lots of words now of course a bit too late. ;)