Friday, September 24, 2010

Looks like we have another....

Loser.

I tested today I will test again, but I used the early response test and it was negative and I feel that my period is imminent. I will probably get it before it's time to test again.

It was a nice thought that I'd get pregnant right out of the gate from surgery but it was very unlikely.

I don't feel that disappointed, but that may be because I have been vigilantly preparing myself for that result. That doesn't mean it won't hit me at some inappropriate time where I am in front of a lot of people and not wanting to bawl my eyes out but for now I am ok.

I am supposed to call today to get the injectables ordered so that I have them in time for day 3 ....but I don't want to. (Insert childish tone with a foot stomp) Mostly because I just don't want to. I don't want to inject myself...how silly. The other part is that DH's job is in jeopardy and we just got a bill from the surge center for $1000 that insurance didn't cover. I mean I am glad they covered most of it but that $1000 is a round of injectables.

Is it bad that I am planning to coast this month? I feel ok with the decision but then in the pit of my stomach I realize I am just putting off the inevitable possibly risking that one cycle that would hit it correctly and getting older and less fertile (if that's even possible) with every passing hour.

Well I think I may just be making a decision by not making a decision. I think I will stock up on the online cheapie ovulation tests and just test every day for the next month to see if I ovulate at all. I either missed it (testing for 14 days, all negative and $60+ in) or it didn't happen this month.

I got up really early and started working this am, couldn't sleep and DH came into the study and gave me a really long hug and said he was sorry. You can't get a better husband than that but I am biased ;)

*PS...I have stopped commenting on some sites where the ladies are pregnant. I am not 100% sure why, but part of it is that I feel like bad luck, so please know that I am still reading, but I am keeping my bad mojo far away.

6 comments:

Augusta said...

Poor thing. I'm sorry you feel contagious with your bad luck. I'm even sorrier that you are having such bad luck. Argh! It is disheartening, this darn iF road. I hope for better days for you, lovely woman.
Sending you hugs.

bunny said...

Oh hell. I'm really sorry. This seems to be going around, and it just SUCKS. For me the negative test day was never the hardest, it would always hit later too. I hope if it hits you it hits somewhere safe and calm.

(And I'm sorry you feel you've got bad mojo, too. You don't, you're just being hit with the bad luck stick AGAIN. I know I hated reading blogs where people got (or were) pregnant because suddenly all these other pregnant people would come out of the woodwork and it would be all blah blah babies. It's just too much sometimes. Anyway, I hope you'll be one of them as soon as possible.)

cgd said...

So sorry this is not your cycle. I understand that feeling of hoping that you found the golden ticket and now, post surgery you are pregnancy bound. If this is a month you need to take off, then do it. I am trying to make the same decision and I think that feet dragging feeling is telling both us to take more time!!
Thinking of you.

Katie said...

You aren't a loser. I was so sure I would get pregnant right after my laparoscopy, too. And after my HSG. It's okay to be hopeful, but I get the crushing feeling when those hopes are shattered with a negative test. There's nothing wrong with coasting if you need to. Take things one step at a time. You'll know when you are ready to go to the next step up!

(((hugs)))

Hope said...

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. If you need to take a cycle off, then you need to take a cycle off. I'm struggling with similar concerns, myself. Knowing when to try and when to rest is so hard because there is just know way to predict how any once cycle will go.

Thanks for your comment on my blog & happy ICLW!

Suzy said...

Oh even when we expect the worst, it still hurts like hell. Much love to you xxx