Friday, September 10, 2010

I'm not alone in this

I read a beautiful aricle in the new Oprah. It was a story about miscarriage and infertility written by the husband. I read it while I was having my coffee this morning and bawled my eyes out. I searched for it online but can't find it.

It was unexpected to find a story like that in a magazine, it's not often we get to see this journey portrayed in such a public way.

I'm (still) astonished to find that I am not alone, that these sorrows are real and should be acknowledged.

The article was talking about after a miscarriage how everything is harder, and you are tired and disoriented and depressed and anxious and sad.

I felt all of these things but still went to work and tried to keep up the rest of my life, my husband and I didn't talk about it. My friends didn't really want to talk about it. Family didn't acknowledge it. People wanted to tell me it was for the best, it wasn't really a baby, I could try again.

These were major events and sorrows in my life and I am finally feeling as if I can acknowledge and accept the turmoil and pain that ensued. The sorrow I still feel. Finally able to put words around it.

It was a tragedy that I lost my three babies. No matter how early it happened. It was a tragedy and it made me sad. It hurt my heart. I will be ok. I will go on with my life but it did happen.

Sometimes I am surprised that I am healing and there's a tense spot that pops up as I begin the journey again. Waiting for and expecting the worst. I'll just keep redirecting that energy as much as I can to what I hope to have happen because ultimately I don't have control over the outcome but at least I can try to help myself control the panic.

5 comments:

cgd said...

I am finding more out there in the media about miscarriage and IF and i think that is just wonderful. This pain in silence thing just stinks and I wish there were more outlets or information so that people would not say things to us like "at least is was early". I just want to let you know how not alone you are.

Misfits said...

Hi there! I just saw your comment and came on by to say howdy neighbor. I believe that this is a very small world indeed. I actually live in Sa.n M.ateo and do dat.abase ma.rketing for a living (after peeking at your profile). Our stories are very similar here. Hope you don't mind the comments from me from time to time.

bunny said...

I'm so glad the article made you feel less alone. I agree with cdg--there seems to be a lot more talk about IF and loss now--or maybe I'm just more aware of it. I'm ashamed of how ignorant I was about miscarriage before I encountered so many people who had been through it.

AmyG said...

I remember being totally floored as a teenager to learn my mother had had a miscarriage (after my brother and I were both born). I thought of it as an awful tragedy, and because one doesn't ever hear about it, I also got the impression that miscarriages are very rare. You've had major losses! I wish our culture acknowledged them more. At least us bloggers can remember your three babies with you.

egghunt said...

I think any media coverage is probably a good thing but I have to say that the majority of articles that i've seen and heard focus mainly on the happy ending and not on the horrible, painful journey that the couple had to go through to get there. I know that the painful stuff is hard to hear but it's the truth and it irks me when I read of all these success stories when I know there are so many that don't turn out so happy. Maybe no one would want to read them, maybe thats why they don't make it to print.
Anyway, I hope you know you're not alone. Hugs.