I think I'm done.
Another negative test and slight bit of spotting this morning. It's day 29. I guess I could have ovulated really late, but we would have probably missed the window then since the last time we BD'd was day 16. I mean I know they say sperm can live for 5 days but...seems unlikely in my imperfect world.
In my other three pregnancies I had a positive test by day 25. Although it has occured to me in the last couple of days that those were not viable pregnancies so maybe I shouldn't be looking to them for what to expect...
So there we are. Now I just have to figure out how to work in this trip with another cycle. I either do it as quickly as possible, get all of my vaccinations and go, or plan it out at the end of the year and if I get pregnant in the meantime I tell them I can't go? Any ideas for me? I can't figure out how I am going to fit an injectable cycle in here before the end of the year. *@%&@#$*&!!!!
I'm ok. I'm really working on not spiraling down into the negative. It takes a lot of energy to question the thoughts around, I will never get pregnant again. It's exhausting.
I'm irritated that I was so lost this cycle. I guess I can really never go back to the attitude of "just let it happen" because it doesn't f'ing happen. I need the charting and the positive OPK and the Ultrasounds so I know what the hell is going on. The ambiguity was torture.
So out comes my BBT thermometer and my notepad and pen. And I am buying the 20 pack of OP's as I get ready to get back in line for round two.
It's interesting though how far I am distancing myself from the sadness that usually comes. After one failed IUI I cried off and on for an entire week. It's a dissapointment this time, frustration surely but no sadness. I wonder what that's about. I'm too jaded now to cry?