I started this blog just to get the words and thoughts out of my head. To get some clarity and say the things that I had let go unsaid for so many months and years. The things I didn't have anyone to hear. I'm not a writer and I am not trying to win any awards. I just wanted a safe place to post my thoughts.
It turns out that it has been a wonderful place for that and it has really helped me to release some of the anger and sorrow and clutter from my mind.
An unexpected and happy side effect was that when I tentatively started commenting on others posts those people came back and started reading what I had read and posted comments of encouragement for me.
I say tentatively because I was and still am always worried that I will say the wrong things, that I will say too little or too much, talk about myself too much in a comment that is meant to show understanding. Or completely miss the mark on what the persons message was.
An unexpected and not so great side effect is wondering if people like me. If I am being judged...How silly...I am only showing one side of myself but my need to "be liked" still shows up even in this virtual IF world and now it's even crossed over into Posting. Is this post going to upset someone? Is the content too gross? Does anyone even care?
I don't know where all of this self doubt has come in on my posting ability and why it's shown up recently but it's certainly stopped me from posting at times when I had something to say. I am going to try to remember why I came here and do what I set out to do and not worry about all the rest of it.