Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Having a rough morning

Well here I am...4am...I can't sleep and I've been crying off and on for an hour.

Last night I found out (right before bedtime from DH) that dear friends of ours just found out their baby had died at 14 weeks. They didn't want to tell a lot of people but we had a few people over for dinner last night and they were unable to make it. One of the guests spilled to DH why they weren't there.

I am just devastated for them. Why does this fucking happen? It's so unfair. I know there are no answers to those questions but they just keep going through my head.

I'm also taking this very personally and having a hard time seeing a positive outcome for DH and I. I mean this loss is what we know. We don't know successful pregnancy outcomes personally and I am having a really hard time right now imagining things going well for us. Then the guilt starts about how this line of thinking is not good for me or any embryos I might have in my uterus.

Fuck.

I also don't know what to do for my friends. You'd think I might have picked up some ideas along the way...or know what I would want...but I don't. I go back and forth between wanting to run over there and take care of them and not knowing what to do at all.

4 comments:

bunny said...

Oh Jennifer, I'm so sorry for your friends. I wish no-one ever had to go through this, it's just so incomprehensible. Maybe knowing loss all too well makes it even harder to find the words, but I am sure you will find a way to show your support, and I bet they will be grateful for it.
It seems natural to me to expect the worst--the worst is all you've ever gotten dealt. And while I know so many stories of women who finally got that break after nothing but pain, you'll know very soon how this is going to turn out, so it seems like the wrong time to talk sunshine and rainbows. I'm just giving you a bid virtual hug, and thinking of you and your friends.

b said...

i'm so sorry for your friend's loss :( and i know exactly what you mean about not knowing what to do. my best friend & her husband found out at their 12 week scan that things weren't good with their baby & they chose to terminate. i was, like you, unsure of how to re-act, even though i have been through a devastating loss myself. i think it's because when it happens to you, you feel the way you feel and want people to understand how you're feeling, even without saying anything...but everyone responds to loss differently. i'm sure that just by letting them know how saddened you are for their loss and sending them love and strength will help immensely.

Kelly said...

You could say just that to your friend...I'm torn between running over there and not knowing what to do. They may want to see you or may not. It's just such an awful situation to be in.

linda said...

I guess it depends on how close you are to them. For a very close friend, I would run right over and just give them the biggest hug I could...words wouldn't be necessary.

I've not gone through a loss like this and can't imagine the pain/loss they're feeling. I wish I had better advise.

Hugs