Well here I am...4am...I can't sleep and I've been crying off and on for an hour.
Last night I found out (right before bedtime from DH) that dear friends of ours just found out their baby had died at 14 weeks. They didn't want to tell a lot of people but we had a few people over for dinner last night and they were unable to make it. One of the guests spilled to DH why they weren't there.
I am just devastated for them. Why does this fucking happen? It's so unfair. I know there are no answers to those questions but they just keep going through my head.
I'm also taking this very personally and having a hard time seeing a positive outcome for DH and I. I mean this loss is what we know. We don't know successful pregnancy outcomes personally and I am having a really hard time right now imagining things going well for us. Then the guilt starts about how this line of thinking is not good for me or any embryos I might have in my uterus.
I also don't know what to do for my friends. You'd think I might have picked up some ideas along the way...or know what I would want...but I don't. I go back and forth between wanting to run over there and take care of them and not knowing what to do at all.