4dp3dt

My cold is calming down. I think it's the nasal rinses I've been doing..if you don't do them when you have a cold you should, they are genius along the same lines as Lasix for me a miracle really.

Anyway off my soapbox about that.

I am a week into the two week wait and I am freaking out a little bit. I woke up at 2am to pee and couldn't get back to sleep. I've been on Dr Google for just about an hour and decided to come blog so I could at least get my thoughts in order and my sanity back and stop reading about symptoms I can't possibly have or reading about when to begin testing. I don't plan to test on my own. I plan to just do the Beta at the office but I've been known to cave before.

Progesterone supplementation is evil. It's making me all uncomfortable down there, my boobs are ginormous and sore, I'm slightly nauseous and vacillate between constipation and the other. I'm so thirsty that sometimes I feel like putting my head directly in the sink and drinking out of the faucet going full force. I'm so exhausted but I can't sleep through the night and I have to get up at least once to use the restroom.

Enough complaining. I am also oddly grateful to be at this point. To have the possibility of being pregnant again. To have clear evidence that there are embryos in my uterus *of course I realize they may have stopped growing but I have no evidence past the transfer so that's what I am sticking with*. I feel like I should be sticking myself with needles too, like I should be doing something...it feels odd to not.

When I got the cold DH said "that's a good sign". When I took my bra off last night and was clearly up a cup size he said "oh that's a good sign" Me I know that those are all on the list of side effects of the progesterone but I'll let him feel good for a bit. What's the harm? I'm really trying not to be a buzz kill.

I guess I am really in limbo and just trying to hold on as best I can. It either will or it won't happen and I have contingency plans for both. In fact if it doesn't work I know a particular ice cream confection I will be having ASAP, the commercial for it's been running for days and I don't usually eat that sort of processed product but if I get a negative Beta I will absolutely be getting it that day. I have plans for after the ice cream as well but that's my first step of the Beta day. It's nice to have a plan.

If I get a positive Beta I have all sorts of other plans but they are more vague and unformed since a positive Beta for me means only step one in a long list of milestones to accomplish before I can be ...what's the word....happy? Optimistic? Hmmm...I guess this isn't the most positive post. What is that saying "Past behavior is an indicator of future"? I hope I can buck the past behavior is all I am sayin..but I feel the need to be cynical to protect for the future.