Saturday, August 13, 2011

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to us! We are married for four years and for most of it we've been trying to get pregnant, and recovering from RPL. It did not escape me that we chose almost exactly the same sentiment on our cards for each other. Something along the lines of "The roads been hard, but I've been glad that you are there with me." Hmph. It was a nice night, but since I am on "pelvic rest" and my energy turns off like a switch sometime mid evening it was not that exciting or thrilling. Hopefully we have many years for thrilling in our future.

In other news it's 5:30 am. and I've been tossing and turning for about an hour. I think it's odd and slightly irritating that I can't keep my eyes open at night to save my life and yet now I have not a hint of that tiredness. I mean COME ON it's Saturday morning!

Yesterday during the day I got pretty down. Hormonal probably. I was thinking of how fucked up it was that we were hoping that multiple embryos would take so that if RPL reared it's head we would be able to lose some and still end up with a live take home baby. I mean how messed up of a world am I in right now that this is what I am hoping for? I know, I should be happy that we got as many embryos as we did and that they all went in without a hitch and I am most of the time but I still think it's f'd up. The whole thing.

My mother sent me the funniest and craziest text..and I don't know how I was not annoyed with her, I would have thought something like this would annoy the crap out of me..but I laughed out loud in my cube! She said "Are my grandbabies nestling in and taking nourishment so that they can grow strong?" and I can totally hear her tone, the smile so maybe it's sillier and sweeter in my ear than anyone elses but it made me so happy and giggly and also struck me as so funny. On the flip side I know this IF and RPL has been hard on her. I hope for her sake and mine (and everyone rooting for us) that this works. I will not only feel sad for me if it doesn't but I will feel I've let everyone else down as well.


bunny said...

Happy anniversary! I'm so glad you guys have each other, and that your marriage has remained strong despite all you've been through. Obviously I have NO IDEA what I'm talking about, but it sounds to me like your thoughts are pretty damn normal considering your history, and that you're right--it's a fucked up place to be where you're hoping you start out with multiples just so you can end up with one. It SUCKS that you have to be here.

I'm glad your mom's text made you happy! I hope the answer is HELL YEAH! Also, this is stupid, but when I learned it was your 4 year anniversary, my heart skipped a beat--it was our four year anniversary IUI when Bun Bun was conceived. I SO hope you'll get some similar 4 year luck...

Do you want to say when your Beta is so we can all start freaking out?

b said...

happy anniversary to you and your hubby! i hope that although the past four years have been difficult with ttc, that this year is different for you and that it's a path filled with all things pregnancy. good luck.

cgd said...

first of all, wishing you the happiest of anniversaries!!! We have has a similar theme in the card department too. I also get sad when I think of how much TTC has taken up of our married life (i am pretty convinced that those fertiles think I am off living the fabulous child-less life, as if).
Go easy on yourself with all the guilt. I do it too especially with my in laws since they do not have other grandchildren like my parents too.
Lastly, thank you so very much for all of your support during this FET!!!