Sunday, June 27, 2010


As in Why do I do this to myself. Watched "Knocked Up" and drank wine. Now I am just sad. What gets me is the song at the end...and yes I watched it through to the end..."That's my daughter in the water...everything she knows I taught her.."

When will I ever teach my child?..maybe never.

What would my three pregnancies have turned into? My first would be 20 months old. What would that feel like? I would be a completely different person.

Distraught. Tears....pulling it together so my husband doesn't see.

Why do I do this to myself?


Kelly said...

(((HUGS))) I wish there were something more I could offer you. We all do that to ourselves, in one form or another though. Don't fault yourself for that.

I question what my lost babies would be like every day and I wonder if I will ever stop.

Katie said...

It's like poking a sore tooth. . . and sometimes, it feels 'good' in a strange way. Sometimes, the emotions would be bottled up from trying to keep it all in during the day, that even when I could release it, I still felt emotionally congested. Sometimes, a sad movie, song, or glass of wine (or all three on really bad days) would give me the release I needed.

Be gentle with yourself. . . it's so easy to be hard on ourselves and try to feel, act, or do things the way we "think" we should. And it's already hard enough to go through all of this without adding more to ourselves.

bunny said...

I agree with Katie. Sometimes it feels good. It's cathartic, I guess, which seems funny given that the misery is always there... But in any event, I do it to myself as well.

I'm very sorry for your anguish, though.

Melanie said...

I watched "Frida" the other night for the first time BECAUSE I wanted to be inspired. It was a tiny bit painful, but like Bunny said, more cathartic than anything. Compared to her pain, truly, mine is nothing.

I found you from ICLW. Nice to meet you. We have similar outcomes (miscarriage) if not similar diagnoses. I look forward to reading your blog.