Thursday, November 3, 2011

It's done

It was awful. I'm sorry but it was. From picking up the pills at the pharmacy to the excruciating pain last night for several hours. The whole thing was awful.

But...I feel better today. Physically I feel like myself again. Still with a cloud of sadness hanging over me but at the same time with a little spring in my step physically.

Thankfully I had DH go with me to the pharmacy because as the pharmacist was counseling me and said, you will insert 4 pills into the...I burst into tears. Not just a little teary eyed. It was ugly, sobbing, can't catch my breath tears. Poor woman. I tried to apologize to her and then ran away down the aisle to DH who walked me out to the car and went back and finished up the transaction. To her credit she said "I'm so sorry" at least four times to me.

As soon as I got back in the car I was better and DH and I went home and I was going to wait for the weekend and I just decided I had to get it done, the anxiety was killing me. So I took 1 painkiller, and inserted the pills...then panicked and took a second pain killer - the max dose. Thankfully I did because in an hour I got up to use the restroom and it had started but I hadn't really felt anything. I thought I might get through this alright. Another hour later though and I was moaning on the couch praying for time to pass so that I could take some more pain pills, rocking and getting up carefully to pass a lot of "stuff". I made quite a mess. That part didn't bother me and I was able to identify the GS as well as open it to look for any signs of an embryo. I didn't find anything identifiable which was somewhat of a relief.

I spent a good majority of the night in quite a bit of pain. I think DH was well and truly freaked out. He held it together though and helped me all evening.

Today I am sore...that's the only word to describe it but I think everything went as well as I could have expected so I feel some comfort in that.

10 comments:

Sunny Jenny said...

I am so sorry. What a horrible thing to have to experience. I hope you're on the mend - physically and emotionally.

Miranda said...

I just don't even know what to say. Reading this breaks my heart in two. I am thinking of you and hoping your heart and body heal quickly. What a terrible thing to experience. Sending you all my love xx

Carlita said...

I'm here from Bunny's. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Pregnancy loss has been the most difficult thing that I've ever experienced in my lifetime and it breaks my heart to think of anyone going through that pain. I hope that the support you receive here and elsewhere helps you to get though this.

not undecided said...

I'm so sorry that it ended like this, and that it ended at all. I will be thinking of you....

Roccie said...

You have tears on this end too.

Take it slowly, ok? Everyone is still here with you.

Kelly said...

Oh god. I'm so sorry. I went through that too and it was absolutely awful. Something so emotionally painful shouldn't have to be physically painful as well.

We're all here for you. (((HUGS)))

b said...

i am so sorry -- i also went through exactly what you did and i know how awful it is and how much it hurts. it's so unfair. :(

sending you lots of hugs and love.

bunny said...

Much love and sympathy. What an unfathomably wretched night that must have been. I'm glad the major part of the physical process is over. I'm just so damn sorry.

AmyG said...

What a fittingly terrible experience to mark a heartbreaking loss. I'm so sorry, about all of this. My warmest, best wishes for many moments of peace.

Mrs. Misfits said...

I know what a relief it is to just get this over with, and I'm so sorry that you had to be here. I can imagine what a horrible experience it was to endure. I am wishing you a full bounce back in your step soon and a very speedy recovery.