It was awful. I'm sorry but it was. From picking up the pills at the pharmacy to the excruciating pain last night for several hours. The whole thing was awful.
But...I feel better today. Physically I feel like myself again. Still with a cloud of sadness hanging over me but at the same time with a little spring in my step physically.
Thankfully I had DH go with me to the pharmacy because as the pharmacist was counseling me and said, you will insert 4 pills into the...I burst into tears. Not just a little teary eyed. It was ugly, sobbing, can't catch my breath tears. Poor woman. I tried to apologize to her and then ran away down the aisle to DH who walked me out to the car and went back and finished up the transaction. To her credit she said "I'm so sorry" at least four times to me.
As soon as I got back in the car I was better and DH and I went home and I was going to wait for the weekend and I just decided I had to get it done, the anxiety was killing me. So I took 1 painkiller, and inserted the pills...then panicked and took a second pain killer - the max dose. Thankfully I did because in an hour I got up to use the restroom and it had started but I hadn't really felt anything. I thought I might get through this alright. Another hour later though and I was moaning on the couch praying for time to pass so that I could take some more pain pills, rocking and getting up carefully to pass a lot of "stuff". I made quite a mess. That part didn't bother me and I was able to identify the GS as well as open it to look for any signs of an embryo. I didn't find anything identifiable which was somewhat of a relief.
I spent a good majority of the night in quite a bit of pain. I think DH was well and truly freaked out. He held it together though and helped me all evening.
Today I am sore...that's the only word to describe it but I think everything went as well as I could have expected so I feel some comfort in that.