I've been hanging in there. I've gained some weight and at times had a bit too much to drink. There have been some really low days and some not so bad days.
All in all I am fine. I've been cutting myself some slack and letting things just ...happen.
I find myself checking in on you all much less often because I feel I've moved sideways. No longer trying. Not becoming a mother. Not really sure where I am going. Realizing I miss you and checking in but finding the check in very painful at times.
I don't belong anymore but I don't want to leave and maybe it's not, not belonging but a reinvention that's required.
This community has meant so much to me but my current state makes it impossible to bear...I think I wish it all away and reading and commenting means it's real...if I am honest.