Friday, September 16, 2011

Life is good...and not so good

I've been hanging in there. I've gained some weight and at times had a bit too much to drink. There have been some really low days and some not so bad days.

All in all I am fine. I've been cutting myself some slack and letting things just ...happen.

I find myself checking in on you all much less often because I feel I've moved sideways. No longer trying. Not becoming a mother. Not really sure where I am going. Realizing I miss you and checking in but finding the check in very painful at times.

I don't belong anymore but I don't want to leave and maybe it's not, not belonging but a reinvention that's required.

This community has meant so much to me but my current state makes it impossible to bear...I think I wish it all away and reading and commenting means it's real...if I am honest.


Illanare said...

You don't have to read or comment, just know that we are here for you if you need us.
Thinking of you.

linda said...

Like Illanare said....we're here for you when you need us. Do whatever it is that helps you find your way. I imagine it's hard to check in and see some of us still trying (when you're not). Have you tried to surround yourself with blogs of people who have found other paths? For me, that means I need to start finding surrogate blogs to read as I'm shifting my own path.

A million hugs to you and the chickens,

bunny said...

Ditto the above. This space is here if you want it, and if you don't--there's no obligation. I don't think I could bear it at all. I certainly don't expect you to care about my trivial little experiences, given what you're working your way through. But it's complicated, because I can imagine even my efforts to show support might just be reminders of this whole other world. SIGH!

I was thinking the same thing about perhaps looking to extend your community--maybe that's what you're thinking with reinvention. In any case, whatever you choose to do, I'm here as long as you want me!