Wednesday, September 28, 2011

No news

I got up early and went to get my second set of bloodwork thinking at least tonight I'll know where we stand..but no. I still have not heard anything. Now if I thought this was going to happen I would have called the office earlier before they closed but usually they are right on top of this stuff and the Dr gets back to me after hours anyway so I though that was what would be happening.... So I don't know anything more.

I've gone back and forth today between wondering if they got my labs from Monday mixed up with someone else's, am I not pregnant but I have some other strange issue going on that I haven't read about on Google that makes you have hcg in your system, running to the bathroom because I feel like I am bleeding. and then on from there.

It's just so hard to wrap my head around this and I really could have used that second beta level today as reassurance that I am not crazy. I've gone back to read my Dr's email instructions multiple times because I start to doubt that this is really happening.

We have not been pregnant since June of 2009. All of the treatments cycles and natural cycles we did, peeing on sticks, injecting myself with needles, taking my temperature, not drinking, no caffiene, no sushi, no heavy exercise. We've gone through a lot of good healthy sperm, and many many follicles. Big nothing. Honestly after the IVF I really felt that I had passed over into a time when it was impossible for me to get pregnant again. I approached this last month as if it was never going to happen. I was working on getting my head around that. DH and I talked about birth control...and then said why bother..I mean really why?

I realize how miraculous it is that I am even pregnant, I mean I GET IT and I am completely dumbfounded by it and if it's not too much to ask, I'd really like it to be real and to continue. I rubbed my belly today and told the little one in there to hang on as hard as possible, that I really really want you to come into this world and we will love you like nobodies business if you do. I also said, if you can't hold on I understand that too, and I realize what a miracle it is that you were even here. I now believe in miracles and my hope is restored.


Mrs. Misfits said...

I was thinking of you all day. I have become one of those, call one minute past the time they ought to have results. Oh, hang on little miracle, it's worth the work to join chicken family. I suspect that you will be on the phone early. Everything crossed and great thoughts for the news.

Mrs. Misfits said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Misfits said...

Blogger double commented on my behalf in case you scratch your head about what would prompt me to delete something! I'll be stalking the blog tomorrow and hoping for the best.