Saturday, June 22, 2013

Trying to enjoy Limbo

For about the last week and a half I've had moments of pure gaggy, upset stomach joy.  Joy because I feel it at least means we're headed in the right direction.  Then last week two days before our ultrasound it went away completely.  Other than being incredibly tired I felt great.  I thought the pregnancy was over...then it came back so I felt reassured.  Yesterday it went away again.  My boobs even stopped hurting.  I panicked.  Tonight it came back.  I guess it's too much to expect I won't expect the worst. I also know that being ill doesn't really mean anything in the missed miscarriage realm where I've been twice.  It is more reassuring than a loss of symptoms though.

I'm doing acupuncture and my acupuncturist has me cutting down on carbs which can't be a bad thing.  I'm still eating plenty and I am eating three whole grain servings a day. Last night I had the worst heartburn.  We picked up take out and I got a salad with chicken and sour cream and salsa so it was already hot enough and my husband got a big bowl of rice and beans etc.  So I get home grab what I think is my bowl and head to the TV room (we're like bachelors we never eat at the table although this still galls me it's a battle I've given up on) except I didn't have my bowl I had DH's so I head back to the kitchen to find him dumping every kind of hot sauce he can find on my bowl...I was like "Seriously, you didn't notice all the lettuce here vs. your big old bowl of beans and rice?!"  So I ate a bowl of hot sauce with a little salad and then suffered for the next two wasn't pretty at my house.  I was so angry and even though I realized it was an honest mistake I couldn't reign it in.  I felt just plain mean. Hormonal?

Oh also, acupuncturist asks me this morning "How many"  I said "How many what?"  he said "Embryos"  I was like huh..."Well just the one"  and then my mind got to wondering...maybe one was hiding...does he know something I don't know?  I wished I'd asked why he asked me that..probably just because they are an acupuncture group specializing in infertility and RPL so they probably deal with a lot of IVFers and I am 43 and not likely to be pregnant naturally.   I have this friend who likes to argue with me about a woman's ticking biological clock.  She's of the inclination that a woman can get pregnant at any age.  What's rich is she's never tried to get there you go.  I can't wait for her to say "see I told you so"  HAHAH this makes me laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of it.

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