I got a call from the pharmacy today about my meds for THE IVF cycle. I mean I knew it was going to be expensive...I had no idea how much of some of the items I would need though and I under estimated by $2,000.
I also recently realized that my Drs Office has been billing everything to my old HMO instead of my new plan even though I called them early in the year to change it. The young woman I talked to ADDED it as a seconary insurance instead of changing it...I don't understand what part of "I am calling to change my insurance information" was confusing.
So I have no idea what I now owe on the US's and tests and procedures I've had so far this year and it boggles my mind that no red flag came up on their end..wtf...WTF.
So I am in at least $8K right now possibly more and that doesn't include retrieval and transfer or any of the US's or E tests. None of this is covered by insurance.
I feel ridiculous to be spending this kind of money when I have some ridiculously small chance of actually concieving and a huge chance of miscarrying if I do. I feel downright duped. On the other hand the time is now, there is no other time I am completely out of it..time. So it's now or never and I will run up my credit cards and sneak money out of my savings and hope neither one of us gets laid off.....If I asked S.U.Z.E she would most certainly deny me..
It's hard for me to do this. I never had any money. My Aunt used to send me a box of goodwill clothes and that was my clothes for the year. No allowance no spending money. I got my first job at 14. I worked through college and lived in some questionable apartments with lots of people to make ends meet. I used to clean up the sofa cushions where I worked so I could grab the change out of them... I've spent the better part of my adult life being frugal so that I could feel some sense of safety. I've just gotten my head above water in that respect..and now to be spending this kind of money.. this feels very "unsafe".
I know I should feel good that I am able to do this. That I have the money (in one form or another) but today it doesn't feel good...it just feels sad and desperate (please no one take this to heart - anyone in a similiar situation - this is me talking about me and only me.)
The plan is Estradiol tabs until the 10th(which completely suck...I am so bloated) then add Progesterone, then stop on the 19th. Hopefully to start injections on 7/24, retrieval around 8/4 and transfer 3 - 5 days later. That's the plan and I guess I am sticking to it.
Oh and Blogger...driving me crazy! I just tried to post on another blog and it took me round and round again with the signing in....nearly want to tear my hair out.