Thursday, December 8, 2011

A Bitter Pill and nothing to wash it down

It's happening all the fuck over again.

During my first pregnancy a coworker was also pregnant. Of course she went on to have a beautiful baby girl and I became aquainted with pain and methotrexate.

During my second pregnancy a co worker was also pregnant. Having been told that my first loss was a fluke, a one in a lifetime bad luck event. I was blissfully comparing notes with her and discussing things. We had even talked beforehand about getting pregnant and ovulation predictor kits etc. Then she stayed pregnant and went on to have a beautiful baby boy and I became aquainted with loss and pain.

Now they are both pregnant again. One kindly stopped by my cube to let me know but not before I'd heard it through the grapevine and the other just posted it to facebook.

I am bitterness personified. I think another one is pregnant for the third time she just hasn't announced it yet.

Oh and I bumped into a former coworker on a walk and she had her little one that she had while I worked with her and oh yes, twins in tow that she's had since she left.

I got a thank you card from my friend who just had her first at 41...all complications.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't wish any ill will towards any of these ladies or there pregnancy in fact the complete opposite, I fret over them and pray(which I don't normally do) that things go absolutely perfectly for them.

BUT. WTF can't it be me. I mean why is is so easy for everyone else(I mean fertile biatches) and so unfairly cruel to others.

It is so unfair. It is soooooo unfair. It feels like a thousand tiny cuts a day. The only thing getting me through is expensive coffee drinks and alcohol..I'm sorry but it's true.


CoffeeBlue said...

So f'ing unfair. I hate this for you. No words to make it better. Just letting you know some one is fretting over you.

Augusta said...

Cruel and unusual. I'm so sorry that you are facing pregnancies everywhere you turn. Some days, it just feel like I'd take the actual punch in the gut over having to face another pregnancy announcement.
Keeping you in my thoughts. Hold on, dear woman.

Kelita said...

I just found your blog the other day and when I read this post I felt the punch in the stomach too. Thinking of you.

AmyG said...

Good GRIEF! What a terrible environment to be in right now! It's terribly unfair. I'm rooting so hard for you.

Katie said...

I think I have that WTF, why can't it be moment daily - but I can't imagine working alongside several reminders of it. Thinking of you. It's not fair. :(

Anita Bell said...

My daughter went through infertility and was successful with IVF. She had an amazing doctor in St. Louis. Dr. Sherman Silber. He is a miracle worker. Maybe you need a change of venue.?