I almost passed out

I got a little too cocky. I have been doing the Lupron shots since Sunday and today I added the Menopur and Gonal F...MFER! The Menopur stings like nobodies business.

I got all of my shots ready, measured, qcaps, alcohol wipes, ice cube..."oh I don't need the ice today. The Luprons been so easy"....So I started with the Menopur and it hurt a little, then it hurt more, then I was like Oh crap I wish I used the ice. Then I thought "ok let's just get the other two overwith and you can go have your pretend coffee" So I lined up the Lupron and started. I had the needle in my belly when I started to black out. Dude...sit down when you give the shots, that's all I'm saying. That's my advice to the world. You never know when you're bodies going to say, "What the fuck are you doing, sticking needles and stinging liquid in my..bellllllyyyyyyyyyy...aaaarrggghhhh...."

So I made it over to the bed and laid down for a few minutes. I guess sometimes it doesn't matter how strong our resolve is, sometimes our bodies have something else in mind. The thing is, I'm the one you want in an emergency. I once jumped out of my car onto the highway to help someone who'd just been in an accident while my friend who's a nurse sat in the car..not sure what to do. So I'm the one...unless I have the slightest drop of blood coming out of me...and then I'm the hysterical one, passing out on the floor.

So I managed to get the meds all in. 225 Gonal F, 10 Lupron, 75 Fucking Menopur. Apparently I'm on the Microdose Lupron Flare protocol, for non responders...and my FSH is at it's highest. 12.9. That's with the acupuncture, meditation and sprouted grain totally no fun diet.

When I had my US on Sunday my Dr said, "Are you excited" In a super excited tone. I shook my head, then realized she was wanting more...so I said "Yes of course" in my own perky fake tone.

I am excited at the prospect of it working, but that's out of my hands. I can't decide if I am at acceptance or apathy or self protection.

If I get a live child at the end of this, I will laugh at my post above. If I don't or get something worse, to live through another loss, then I will look at the above as such wisdom.

One thing I am getting out of this, is I could give a shot like a champ. I know to sit down when giving myself shots. I know I can handle a lot of crap thrown my way and there's some comfort in that. Cause life tends to throw crap..kind of like a monkey at the zoo and you just don't know when it's going to come at you. So you have to get good at ducking and running.

I hope no poo gets thrown at you today. :)