Thursday, March 10, 2011

Making Progress

I did my due diligence around an IVF cycle in the near future. I reread the IVF materials and looked at what we need to do prior. Good news is two things are already checked off. Injection training and the financial review.

Based on timing and money we've decided to start the process in April with IVF to begin with the May cycle. One thing I do need to check is some of the things that were covered for us last year (ultrasounds and testing) may not be this year...In my "I'm not doing IVF and I'm done with doctors apts" mind set I elected a High deductible PPO and HSA account for this year and I think that means it's all on us. The good news is I have the HSA account which my company contributes to, to use.

I've also decided to use this time before to really get serious about my weight. I stepped on the scale a couple of weeks ago and almost fell off. I was at my highest weight in 15 years....15. I had a significant issue with weight in my late 20's that I was able to get under control and I had kept a pretty steady weight for the last 10 years. With everything to do with loss and infertility happening and finally culminating at the end of last year I really just went a little crazy with the self soothing. I'm talking no filter on what I wanted to eat. That weight though has shocked me back to reality. I'm healthy now, but if I keep going down that road I will not remain so for long and I can't feel good about starting IVF with this issue rearing it's ugly head.

Two weeks now and I am feeling good. I am not doing anything drastic. Just lots of Veggies, protein and fruit with an odd smattering of grains thrown in. I've basically thrown away alcohol and sugar based carbs. It's working, imagine that :) I am planning one weekend day to have a couple of drinks and a little more treats and then back to it. That way I won't lose my mind. I'm following the P.o.i.n.t.s program and am saving my weekly p.o.i.n.t.s for that one day.

Thinking about doing IVF has me in an odd state of mind. I have had some thoughts come up again in the last couple of days like this..what if I do get pregnant after all of this and I am a bad mother? What if I get pregnant after all of this and I am an ungrateful mother? What am I supposed to do with those thoughts? I mean I know they are just thoughts, fear based and they don't mean that's what will happen but why do they have to pop in and complicate things?


Mrs. Misfits said...

I am so proud of you to get your veggies in and tackle what that scale told you. I seem to struggle with adding pounds after each pregnancy, and not in the usual manner. Ugh.

I am also excited for things to get going on the IVF front. I'm totally curious about where you are doing your cycle, so I might ping you offline. I need to call my clinic and start doing something again soon.

I'd love for those worries about motherhood to be foremost in your mind as the ONLY thing. Clearing out the way for those worries would be simply awesome.

bunny said...

I'm just gonna come out and say that you won't be a bad mother or an ungrateful mother. I promise. So tell those thoughts to f*ck off.

I developed a lot of bad habits in the past two years that were all about self soothing, and I really admire you for being able to take steps to get things in check NOW. That is no easy thing.

OMG, IVF in May. Wow, wow, wow.

Lisa said...

I'm with you on the self soothing front. I started this pregnancy with an extra 25 lbs because of the 2 years of infertility and RPL that preceded it. Take it easy on yourself and pamper yourself now while getting ready for your IVF. I'm so glad you've decided to try IVF out. I am so thankful that we decided to try ... and look where I am right now! I can't wait to follow along side you in May :)

linda said...

I totally think the same thing: what if after 10 IVFs I get a baby and I just hate being a mother? What if I have a horrible child that no mother could love? I think we all wonder what happens when we finally get what we want...a nod to the idea of "be careful of wha tyou wish for" sorta thing.

Brave on the good diet. I wish I could lose the 20-something pounds I've put on in the last 6 IVF cycles. You and Maddy are my inspiration now. :)