I did my due diligence around an IVF cycle in the near future. I reread the IVF materials and looked at what we need to do prior. Good news is two things are already checked off. Injection training and the financial review.
Based on timing and money we've decided to start the process in April with IVF to begin with the May cycle. One thing I do need to check is some of the things that were covered for us last year (ultrasounds and testing) may not be this year...In my "I'm not doing IVF and I'm done with doctors apts" mind set I elected a High deductible PPO and HSA account for this year and I think that means it's all on us. The good news is I have the HSA account which my company contributes to, to use.
I've also decided to use this time before to really get serious about my weight. I stepped on the scale a couple of weeks ago and almost fell off. I was at my highest weight in 15 years....15. I had a significant issue with weight in my late 20's that I was able to get under control and I had kept a pretty steady weight for the last 10 years. With everything to do with loss and infertility happening and finally culminating at the end of last year I really just went a little crazy with the self soothing. I'm talking no filter on what I wanted to eat. That weight though has shocked me back to reality. I'm healthy now, but if I keep going down that road I will not remain so for long and I can't feel good about starting IVF with this issue rearing it's ugly head.
Two weeks now and I am feeling good. I am not doing anything drastic. Just lots of Veggies, protein and fruit with an odd smattering of grains thrown in. I've basically thrown away alcohol and sugar based carbs. It's working, imagine that :) I am planning one weekend day to have a couple of drinks and a little more treats and then back to it. That way I won't lose my mind. I'm following the P.o.i.n.t.s program and am saving my weekly p.o.i.n.t.s for that one day.
Thinking about doing IVF has me in an odd state of mind. I have had some thoughts come up again in the last couple of days like this..what if I do get pregnant after all of this and I am a bad mother? What if I get pregnant after all of this and I am an ungrateful mother? What am I supposed to do with those thoughts? I mean I know they are just thoughts, fear based and they don't mean that's what will happen but why do they have to pop in and complicate things?