Friday, February 11, 2011

The walls been hit

I am so tired. This jet lag is really messing with me. I wake up every morning this week at 3am wide awake, then finally fall back asleep after an hour or so only to find it extremely difficult to get up. Then in the afternoon I crash.

Today I blew past my alarm clock and woke up to find it almost 11am....Ooops...I emailed work and took a PTO day. This is so not like me. I never do this. Even in my younger years when I would go out with friends on a week night I still made it to work. I feel really out of it. And of course even though I know I flew ahead in time to Asia, and then back again losing a day gaining a day, not sleeping, eating strange food, meeting new people and doing a lot of social interaction which exhausts me etc. I still had the thought...maybe I should get a pregnancy test. I blame it on that show - "I didn't know I was..." you know the one. Where she gets her period but is pregnant anyway against all odds even though she has cystic ovaries or is 50.

How long will that thought still pop up? It's so irrational.

So I was laying on the couch trying to feel more awake and I watched "Say yes to the .d.r.e.s.s" and ended up crying because I will never see a daughter walk down the aisle or a son. What the crap. I still may see it. There's adoption. There are options. Right? Hmpf.


Mrs. Misfits said...

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. I can only say that you should spend the weekend getting some sun in and hope that your clock resets. That does the trick for me after crossing the dateline like that.

As far as exhaustion, physical and emotional, I hope that you find some bit of peace this weekend as well. I want that miracle and big television worthy surprise for you, too.

cgd said...

hugs to you. try to go easy on yourself and hang in there...

Illanare said...

Hugs (o)

linda said...

Try popping 3mg melatonin 30 minutes before you would "like" to be asleep...then go to bed. Make sure the room is very dark, cold (68-70 degrees), and wear booties (keeping feet warm helps). Hope you're able to reset your clock and get back to normal life.
Those shows will make you (and me!) crazy...they're just not made with the infertile in mind. Yes, there are options...but please try to reset your sleep clock before you make any decisions. :-)

CoffeeBlue said...

I totally have oh-my-god-maybe-i'm-pregnant moments even though I'm female (and so is my partner). A girl can dream, right?